Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
