Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
