cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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