is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
