I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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