yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
