And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
