Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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