so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I love having hate sex.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
