It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
