Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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