i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
