I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
