How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
