Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
