i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
