i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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