You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
