so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
