You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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