I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
