if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
