i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
