these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
