After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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