I hope mine doesn't look like that
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
