put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
