Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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