After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
