so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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