We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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