so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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