I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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