I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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