fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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