i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
our cab driver is having phone sex.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
