Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
