Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
