theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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