I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
