So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
