How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
