Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
