He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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