You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
