so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
