You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
