I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
this just has baby written all over it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
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