he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
