I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
