I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
