I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
