Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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