someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize