he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
