I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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