Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
