if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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