I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
