There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
