Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
