i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
