My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize