I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
