He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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